One of the first projects I wrote about on this blog was my Mood Scarf. For my first attempt, I had five moods, was doing three rows a day and had planned on knitting it for a year. I was also completely clueless as to what I was doing /stepping into, so despite going strong for at least three months, I was forced to put it down.
Now you all know how I feel about UFO’s. For some weird reason it feels unconscionable to abandon a project to limbo, and since I’m not big on stashing and/or keeping things that don’t have a clear purpose, I resolved to frog it. However when the time came to clean out my Yarn Bin and harvest all the yarn I wasn’t getting rid of, I couldn’t bring myself to do it. There is a lot of me in that wonky bit of fabric and it was mind-boggling how strongly o still feel about it a year later.
So I compromise: I would take it apart as soon as I needed the yarn for a specific purpose. That way, I’d still be using the yarn but I would get to skip winding up all the scraps into a cake. And yes, if I’m honest, frogging it this way gave me a bit more time to say good bye.
About a month later, I decided I wanted to do something to commemorate my legally changing my name and it dawned on me that I could knit my first official year as Maggie. Cue the Mood Scarf 2.0. I streamlined the pattern to involve 4 moods, with 2 rows/day.
Here’s the beginning:
Even though I’m still figuring out how to transition between colors, I feel so much better about this than my first attempt.
The edges were pretty scary, but even with them curled back, you can still see that there were some serious issues to work out. How serious? Well, when I began my first attempt I didn’t know hot to execute a proper knit stitch or know how to go about getting consistent tension – so threat level red serious. I’m no expert by any stretch of the imagination, but I feel a lot better about my technique and I’m having a good time broadening my understanding about how different stitches lead to different kinds of fabric.
You’ll note that the fist attempt was in stocking stitch. This is because I hated purling and disliked garter stitch even more. The Maggie Mood Scarf (which is what I’m calling the Mood Scarf 2.0) is done in 1×1 rib so that it’s reversible and the edges can be a bit cleaner. But I didn’t start it off that way. You may just be able to see it, but I tried different kinds of stitches and patterns for the MMS so I had to work with odd pieces of yarn as I reworked the rows for each day. Fortunately, I’d worked it out by the end of the first week and tried to cleverly weave in the ends so that it’s hard to tell. It worked – for the most part. There are two rows where the ends were too short to weave in and I just taped them together until I could figure out how to secure them without messing up the fabric. This oddly gives me a bit more confidence when it comes to frogging the first Mood Scarf and there is little that makes me happier than giving materials a second chance at life.
If you wanted to get a bit meta, I guess you could say that this is the closest I can get to physically dealing with emotion. I’m not sure how to describe it but often times, I refer to my PTSD as a massive tangle of yarn – like it takes up the whole house kind of massive. I know that I can’t ever get rid of it and I certainly can’t haul it around with me, but I can sort through it, wind it into hanks and then eventually knit it into really stunning sweaters. The trauma and/or emotions are still there, but I’ve made them my own. Harvesting the yarn from the first Mood Scarf will be hard, but it will feel good to make it part of a scarf meant to keep me simultaneously stylish and warm 🙂