First Quarter Crescent: Three Months of Mood Scarf (Finally!)

August 20th marked the three month anniversary of the Mood Scarf!

I’m officially a quarter of the way through this project and though I fell behind on my knitting for the firs time, I’m still really excited about the project.

From the start of the project, I’ve enjoyed spending some time reflecting on my day, debating about the colors and subsequently knitting my three rows before bed. It has helped me clear my mind and has made me feel more inspired. I was meticulous about “scarf time” until earlier this month. There was a lot of life going on and though I took the time to take a good look at my day, I had about a minute to jot everything down before I dropped off to sleep. This happened for about a week and it was really hard to catch up – especially when there is so much going on.

As I catch up, I feel that for the first time, I get to really process those rushed days. I take a look at the colors I wrote down that day, some times with a number next to them, other times with a note or two as to why and I’ve found that can end up debating with myself all over again about a particular color. I have a day with two dejected rows that I almost completely crossed out while scoffing, “What?! No, that day was awesome! We even had nachos, that’s how awesome it was!” I honored my choice from the past but rather than knit the third row as Weird, I went with Copacetic. The day was exhausting but I got a lot done, I had some great interactions with people here and an impromptu date night, so while I was feeling awful, it was still a pretty damn cool.

I honestly can’t believe how much my memory improves as I knit this scarf, it’s almost completely back to the level of eerie precision I had before I my PTSD caught up with me and that feels amazing. I am just going to go ahead and chalk that up to the Mood Scarf. It looks a bit moody, but it’s been this great calming force – and like all things with my friends- inspiration for a bit of sillyness πŸ™‚

The Mood Scarf is looking like the newbiest of noob projects.

I’m not an awesome knitter by any stretch of the imagination, but it’s easy to tell that I’ve become a bit more skilled since May when it had been three years since I’d picked up my needles. Considering I’d only taught myself to knit five years ago, I now know that it was pure luck that the gifts I made for people turned out as well as they did – well, that and sheer stubbornness on my part. If I look closely, I can see the day that nice guy at the doctor’s office pointed out that I’ve been knitting the back of the stitch instead of the front, when I learned about slipping the first stitch for a cleaner edge and if you look really, really closely, I can see when I figured out how to knit in reverse – I can tell because all the stitches are going in a different direction, the tension changed and the row colors are a bit off, but not having to rip down two rowsΒ  to recover a dropped stitch make it totally worth it!

For all the mistakes and learning moments that are obvious there are a lot of these moments that are less so. It’s virtually impossible to tell when I learned the Russian Join, mainly because I tried it a couple of times and decided the yarn was too fine and my tapestry needle too big to do it well. You can however tell when I learned the Weaver’s Knot and I liked it enough for there to be no going back! I’m not even going to give you a clue as to when I well and truly learned that I needed to count my stitches. Suffice to say, it took way too long and I’ve learned never to under estimate a simple project for potential mishaps. I am weirdly stoked about the hidden details.

Yeah, I’m calling them details rather than mistakes. Since I don’t allow myself to rip for anything other than dropped stitches there are lots of things I’d like to change but I’m not because perfectionism isn’t the boss of me and it almost defeats the purpose of the scarf. It isn’t a coincidence that my Distressed rows have a lot of tension to them but I like that you can’t tell that at a glance. Well, most people any way πŸ˜‰ I know some of you are knitting ninjas and know but that’s cool. I think I wait to post pictures of my scarf for a bit of privacy. No one really knows what it looks like right this second even though I’m posting pictures and writing a blog that heavily features it. I think it’s kind of cool like that.

The last I’ll say for the scarf this time around is that I really like the way the positive and negative moods balance pretty well. As someone dealing with PTSD (really Complex Trauma, which is a collection of different PTSD worthy trauma’s but the same idea as PTSD), this is immensely comforting and has this “It’s going to be okay” kind of vibe that I really appreciate when I’m going through a rough patch.

***

Okay, so not the last thing.

I started to draft this post on August 19th, but then PTSD (Complex Trauma) happened and I fell behind on the scarf again. And I mean really behind. I still faithfully wrote everything down but it was too much for me to knit about the emotions that surfaced with that period of time. Or at least until now.

So, I’ve knit as far as August 20th, am taking some pictures and as promised, am posting it today. This way, I can take the time to properly deal with things, knit them up and make them public. When I’m fully caught up, I’ll post if there’s interest and I will definitely stay caught up so that I can post after snapping some pictures a week or so before the half way mark πŸ™‚

Now it’s definitely high time for some pictures, so here ya go πŸ™‚

"A

Cropped a bit before the quarter mark.
Cropped a bit before the quarter mark.
Advertisements

12 thoughts on “First Quarter Crescent: Three Months of Mood Scarf (Finally!)

  1. I think this is such a brilliant idea. It really takes the idea of knitting as therapy a step further. For me, recognizing and naming (and acknowledging) emotions has been key to working through things. This project prompts you to do that, to do it regularly, and then gives you a way to express those emotions in a productive way. I love that you are being diligent about this project but at the same time, forgiving. You are allowing yourself time to complete the knitting but still giving yourself the tools to do it.

    I think the scarf is beautiful. Any differences in tension just add to the character and significance of the piece. If you really want to even it out, you can always block it when it’s done. But I think you could just leave it as is and enjoy this physical manifestation of self-care that you have created.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. This is the most beautiful comment… thank you! I hadn’t thought about it this way, but it’s spot on. I think I was in as bad a way as I was in because I was taught to just keep going rather than deal with emotions. In my mind I was Spok and didn’t have emotions until I had them all at once and I couldn’t deal. The Mood Scarf has helped a lot with that. It forces me to take a good look at the day and figure out what’s going on without it being overwhelming because I can always knit it out at a later time when I’m strong enough to deal with whatever that particular mood brings up πŸ™‚
      I like how rough around the edges it is – literally, all the color changes give it a different texture at the edges but the middle is still soft and snuggly. I was thinking about blocking but I’m scrapping that after this conversation, it’s perfect the way it is. Thank you for that πŸ™‚

      Liked by 2 people

    1. Okay, I messed up and thought I replied but just wrote a comment on my own post >_<

      2-3 rows a day are totally doable, and really you can set your own rules – how many colors, how often you knit and for how long. I can't recommend this enough!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh you can totally do that! There are other mood scarfs out there that only do two rows a day and in the same color so it doesn’t take a ton of time. I can’t recommend this enough, it feels really good inside and it’s weirdly exciting to see how it develops. Also, you can decide to do it for whatever amount of time so there isn’t a ton of pressure.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thank you, that’s kind of the point. When you’re in a dark place, it seems like past and future are all that dark, so it’s nice to see those swatches of lights and even more heartening when you see them sprinkled among the dark πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  3. This really is a wonderful meditative practice you’ve established here. Sorry to hear the PTSD kicked in again, but I guess unfortunately that’s part of the process. You’re working so hard and so intelligently on it, you’ll kick it’s arse back out again.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you πŸ˜€ It’s hard to remember I’m actually working on in when I have set backs/it’s hard to see progress. The Mood Scarf is a real game changer that way, it’s something I can physically work on and see. Thank you for being so supportive, it means a lot! πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s